P R E S S U R E

Barely surviving from all the pressure people are imposing on me. Just came back from tuitions and was having dinner but i can't even get 15 minutes of peace. Like seriously, can people just give me a break? I am just like anyone of you out there, with a pair of hands, a pair of legs and 24 hours a day. It's just one me but i had so many things to do. & when i take a really quick break, people take it as me being free. I am only human, i need to rest too.

The load on my shoulders have been escalating because everybody can't seem to stop asking me about job-hunting ever since the beginning of the year. Yes, i am aware that i am going to be a graduate soon, i am aware that i need to get a job, i am also aware of the fierce competition out there and y'know what, i've tried. I've spoke to the school career advisor, spoke to seniors, attended career fair, spent time editing my resumes so many times, sent a million resumes and went for interviews. But as of now, i really want to just complete my exam, go for my grad trips and continue the hunt again when i'm back. I know everybody is just trying to help, but it's really suffocating for me especially with all the high hopes and expectations pinned.

Wished i can wiped off people's perception of - "Being a tutor is easy." Well, it's not. Unless you're being irresponsible of course. Having to juggle and keep track of all my students' progress, grades, changes in schedules, homework etc is really enough to drive me crazy especially when my exam period (always) clashed with theirs. Had to make special arrangements to give them additional lessons on top of their normal lessons when i probably need help for my own exams. I'd people calling me crazy for teaching tuitions during exam period but hello, i hope you know that i can't just ditch my students aside when they need me. I'm not blaming anyone that my schedule is jammed pack but i just hope people can understand that sometimes, i might not respond as fast or that i might not be able to promise some things now because i'd my own responsbility and commitment to fulfill. I do also face pressure from my students' parents so i really hope people can stop thinking that life is easy for me because no, it is not.

Also, i'm not really sure if i'm looking forward to the end of exams because i still had so much things to settle (ie. travel insurance, baggage, ETA, pack my room, do a video interview, draw up recipes, finished up both itineraries, make appointment for personal grooming, check rates to change sgd to aud, settle tuitions schedule, pack luggage) right after my paper on Tuesday noon and before i fly off on Friday morning. All i really wish for right now is for people around me to be more understanding and allow me to complete my last paper first. This exam stress is also getting to me because i'm really not sure if i'll be able to clear all modules and secure my honors as per planned. I know how people are always telling me that i'm able to do it and that all i need is two more modules to secure a second upper and that second upper is already very good or how people tell me that i'm lucky because the paper is easy or to tell me that i'm able to excel even if i don't study and stuffs like that. I really appreciate that there are a bunch of people who think so highly of me but i'm really not as good as what people made me up to be. What if i didn't make the mark, just like how nobody expect me to fail a module last year but i did. Same goes for the two job interviews i've been to. People expect me to get shortlisted but i didn't.

I feel so suffocated right now and i sincerely hope to get some space for the next 3 days or so. I promised to find time to do everything that is expected of me after my last paper and within the 60 hours before i leave for Perth. Sigh.... k end of rant.