Standing at the final stage of my education cycle, i'm actually really worried what the future lies for me. I don't like how i'm not sure what's going to happen to me for the next half of this year or rather for the next half of my life. For the past twenty one years thereabout, life has been pretty much planned and that is to study. Moving on from preschool to primary school to secondary school to a junior college to eventually a university. I didn't have to bother about what i'm going to do next. The only problem was where to go. But right now, i'm almost at the end, facing the many crossroads in life wondering what i should, where i should go and how should i go about embarking on a new stage of life.
Well, it's not that i don't know what to do because i do. Just not, exactly. Ever since i was thirteen, i wanted to work in the banking industry and that, to me, is still a dream. Don't ask me why the banking sector, because i don't know either. I know how many wanted to enter the banking & finance industry because jobs in the industry are well-paid and people who take on roles in this sector are deemed to be 'successful'. Well, that's a very rational way of thinking but for me, that's not quite the reason. Yes, a job that pays well is indeed attractive but most importantly, i want a job that i'll be able to enjoy and wage wise, it's secondary. I want to be able to 'not get sian of what i do for the next 20-30years' and from what i'm doing, i hope to achieve a certain level of job satisfaction. I want to be able to wake up every morning and feel motivated to go to work. Personally, i feel that being able to achieve the above-stated far exceeds the monetary benefit of a job. No, i'm not saying that the pay is not important because in all honesty, it is (especially for me since i don't come from a that well to-do family background). Just that, pay is not everything that i'm looking for in a permanent job. Then again, i'm not sure what exactly i want to do in the industry either. Like i'm not exactly sure what positions / job scopes there are in the industry because what i read online seems a little ambiguous. Sigh, there's just so much that i don't know and am unsure of.
So i've been going on and on about what i want but well, life doesn't quite work that way (at least for me). I don't usually get what i want. I've been a reject my entire living, i barely see a future for myself right now. The future is so bleak, i can't even.... Ever since i was enrolling into primary school, i've been rejected all the way till university (and also many occasions of job-hunting). I didn't manage to get in to the primary school of my first choice because i was (am) residing 200m further than the required area to be automatically enrolled and my luck was just bad enough that i wasn't pick to enroll when the lots were drawn. Subsequently, in P2 i had chicken pox during end of year examinations and i was dropped from the best class to the second class based on my SA1 results. I remained in the second class all the way till P6 and PSLE was mehz. My 3 bestfriends topped the class and 2 of them are actually the top 5 in the school. Getting just a mere 233 T-score, i was the bottom few of my class. Moving on to secondary school, i didn't manage to get into my first choice because of my not-good-enough results. Again, i was in the second class occupying the last few spots in class. O levels was terrible (my clique of friends did really well - getting single digit L1R5), i feel so ashamed looking at my certificate and if i were given a second chance in life, i'd want to study harder and do better because i know i am capable of achieving better results. And so, with my raw L1R5 of 16 and cut-off of 12, i tried my luck applying and appealing to CJ which has a cut off of 11 at that point, but was of course rejected (i'd an acquaintance who got a raw of 17 and managed to get in because he is a catholic from an affiliate school ugh why got such thing). But anyway, i survived the two years in pioneer junior college and again, my results disappoint. Especially from the subject that i was supposed to score in. I was constantly on the 80th percentile in the cohord for my H2 math and i love math, it was (is) my favorite and most confident subject yet i ended up getting a D. Getting a BBD-DE (I was super weak in my H1 Chem and GP ever since day one and my H2s are supposedly to be better) couldn't get me a spot in the 'Business' / 'Economics' degree programme in any of the local universities despite my appeals. I did not want to get into any other courses in the local universities because i was quite clear that i probably wouldn't like it anywhere else. So here i am, in SIM-UOL doing business. My results from the past two years aren't fantastic but just good enough to put me into the top 10% of the school. I don't have any distinctions at all, my grades hovered around 60 thereabout, which dashed my hope of getting a first class honors. As of my final year here in SIM, i'm barely surviving.
No, i was not only constantly getting rejected education wise. I've also been rejected countless times applying for part-time jobs, bank internships and most recently, bank graduate programmes. I've been more proactive than any of my own circle of friends in hunting for a job but all i get are just rejects after rejects. Then again, based on my past job experiences and really lousy grades, i'd almost nothing to boost about myself. I even feel shameful that i've to cook up things to self-market. I was told by the career advisor from my school that i had zero chances of entering the banking industry due to my incapability. I am aware of how 'not-good-enough' or 'not-good-at-all' i am but i desperately want a chance to prove that i can excel and i'm still holding on to that thin thread of hope that an employer in the banking industry will give me the chance to. I don't know if anybody feel the same way as i do, constantly being reminded of how incapable i am, getting so many rejections in life so much so that i'm mentally scarred. I am inferior, inferior to the people who are better than me. I am afraid, afraid that these people would look, point fingers and laugh at my incapability.
At the end of the day, i know that i am probably my own contradiction. My laziness is really the root of everything, and for this, i get frustrated at myself. I tend to procrastinate alot. Well, i do get motivated from time to time, but those motivations never did last. I've been trying to change for the better though. My mind is in a whirlwind at the moment and i really don't like this sinking feeling of not knowing what to expect in the near future. I know education is not everything. I am also aware that there are many many people out there who are successful despite their lack in qualifications. I am aware that one's personality, character and attitude will bring them to greater height rather than their qualifications. But we can't deny that having live in this competitive society, a good qualification could serve as a stepping stone to soar.
Anyway, I don't think i've ever shared something so personal and close to heart on a social platform. I guess i really need somewhere to rant and there's just so much weighing on my mind and i really couldn't find someone that could understand my situation / concern. Thankful that i've this private space to myself to type whatever i want to type. May life gets better soon x
Maybe you could consider other jobs besides Banking? And it's too early to be thinking about getting a job that you can stay in for 20, 30 years given that people do change a few jobs before settling on one. I don't know if it's just a bit different if you're aiming for a Banking career... But yeah, you shouldn't limit yourself to just that one kind of sector & think about how you can excel in others. Sometimes it's possible that this just doesn't suit you and your "failure" in this aspect doesn't define you as a person entirely.
ReplyDeleteBesides you do have talents, in photography, and you do have experience in quite a lot of part-time jobs. They may not be "formal" enough for your resume, but there are people who admire your talents in these areas as well. And I think trying out different jobs does help build your personality (:
I'm actually a year 1 in Uni and pretty lost in life as well haha. You're not alone yeah. All the best <3
Actually, i did consider and think about what other industries / sectors that i can go into. People around me are asking me to give it a try in the education industry since i've been a private tutor for 4 years. It'd be a lie to say that i don't enjoy teaching, just that i probably don't have enough passion to be an educator. In fact, i've thought about this after A levels as to whether i should apply for NIE but i realized that i probably have more interest in the banking / finance sector which is why i went on to apply to do business in SIM. As for the other industries (actually i'm not v sure what other industries there are), say retail / F&B / healthcare / admin / engineering / IT... I really dont have any interest in any of the above stated because i'm more inclined towards numbers.
Delete& yes, i get what you mean about switching a couple of jobs before settling for one. I guess i'd a pretty bad experience hence the statement of wanting to get a job that i can settle for the next 20-30 years. Previously i'd an admin job for about 3 months, and just two weeks in the job i get so sian of it that i woke up every morning debating if i should get an MC or just dragged myself to work for the money. Basically, i was told to shred papers everyday for almost 3 months. I was even told to act busy when there's nothing to do (sounds like a good deal but damn difficult to act busy). And I was only given proper duties such as generating reports when the department really needs extra help and i realized, hey i do like doing things that can bring me a sense of achievement. So yup, i'm damn scared to get a job that binds me for 2 years and i'd to yknow, debate with myself whether i want to go to work or not every morning.
Haiyo, my photography (and editing) skills are damn amateur i swear. I did thought of doing photography as well but i'm really not there. I don't even know how to use photoshop and there are alot of stuffs (ie all the cameras and different lens) that i don't know. Anyway, yes i'm trying to be more open to choices just that i'm still harbouring hope that i can at least try out in the banking industry and then from there, decide if that dream of mine is what i will really like. I want to give it a shot and if it really doesn't suit me, then i'll accept it.
And jiayou for uni, you still have time to think about life / future (?). I guess everybody have their own worries and i hope, that you'll figure out yours soon!!! Thank you for taking the time to comment and i wish you all the best too!! May life gets better, ^^
Hello! I feel that a large majority of us will always regret not working hard enough and reflecting on what we could have done better previously. But then again, that's in the past. Given that you are quite sure of what you want, you should definitely go after it, no matter how long it takes or how hard it will be. Definitely not easy to be reminded of how we are not good enough each time we fall, but sometimes we ought to look further ahead. Personally I am not where I want to be, and I do know how it feels to always feel inadequate. Like you, I am a strong believer in having passion for our jobs and that's my motivating force to forge ahead. It isn't easy too, but if we were to think of the long run, it may just be worth it. "It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop" :) and if we don't fight for what we want, we will always be wondering what could have been.
ReplyDeleteSo all the best to you, it won't be easy, but it will be worth it if you get there :)
Hello, thank you for your encouraging comment! I really really appreciate it :) I hope that at the end of the day, i'll be able to make it and i hope that, you can too! Jiayou *inserts muscular arm emoticon*
DeleteHi Ruby I totally feel you actually. I'm studying Banking & Finance in a local uni as well and also hope to enter the banking industry but because of my lousy grades, lack of strong leadership positions throughout my education and the competitive nature of the industry, the career advisors in my school have also told me that it's almost impossible to just land even an interview in any banking role. But what I've been advised is to get many internships (need not be banks because it's really insanely competitive) in any related similar fields to beef up your resume. For instance, finance internships in small firms, PR helps a lot as well if you want to be a relationship manager, and even advisory/consultancy (Try the big 4s, relatively easier to get an internship than in banks) or market research for small equity firms and you might get a better chance! You can try private banks too and not limit yourself to the local or more popular banks. Don't give up! And I feel you on the ambiguous job scopes. What I did was to attend a lot of career talks and fairs in my school, and it helped me a lot because I get a better understanding of the different banking roles. You can approach seniors and ask around too :) Narrowing down to which part of the bank you want to work in helps a lot too! All the best :D
ReplyDeleteHi april, thank you for taking the time to read and comment! :)
DeleteAnyway, i guess at least you're from a local uni doing banking and finance. I'm from SIM and i'm not even doing a banking and finance degree (i'm doing a business degree) so i guess it makes it even harder for me to be given an offer for an interview. Students from SIM are deprived of many chances as compared to students from local uni.
Pertaining to internships...I'm already graduating in 2 more months and i've been told by many not to apply for internships since i'll be considered a graduate. & i did try applying for bank internships last year but have been rejected. Recruit express was also pretty inefficient in helping me search for finance internships last year even though i approached them two months before my holidays. Furthermore, i was teaching tuitions quite a bit on weekdays last year so i ended up not having an internship. & when i was in Year 1 uni, i was busy with teaching tuitions, dragonboat trainings and also trying to cope with going for classes and preparing for exams :(
As for career talks and fairs, it's usually organized only for graduating students (SIM really jialat i swear haha) And luckily, being in the top few percent of SIM graduating batch this year, i'm invited to attend the career fair on 20th march. So yup, for that i'm waiting till that day so that i can find answers to my questions. As for seniors that i know (basically it's damn hard to make friends from SIM-UOL because we dont have tutorials or group work, it's like purely 3-hours lecture and go home kind), they are either not in the banking industry or in the industry but still don't know much. & i've quite a couple of seniors who are spending a lot of years retaining in SIM (when i enter they are already in SIM and when i'm graduating, they are still in SIM) so yup, i don't have quite a lot people that i can refer to. To add on, my fellow peers from SIM are not anxious in looking for a job and they dont mind settling for any jobs that's available which explains why it's damn hard for me to talk to some of my friends about this issue. I've a cousin whom i'm not very close to working in OCBC though. She holds a pretty high rank (from what i know) but i missed her during cny so i didn't get a chance to talk to her to find out more. I didn't want to text or call to bother her unless i really have no choice. So yeah, guess right now i'm just waiting for 20th march for my school's career fair and hopefully find out more from there!
Sorry, i seem to be going on and on and on again (bad habit of mine haha). But yes, i'll be more open to choices! Thank you for your advices, i really appreciate it. I hope that, you'll be able to land yourself a job in the banking & finance industry and perhaps, we could be colleagues one day :)
Hi Ruby, I graduated last year from a local uni and I am working in a foreign bank now. I am not a banking and finance graduate, neither do I have stellar grades. I am not sure why your school's career advisor is so certain that you won't be able to enter the banking industry because I believe you can. I have colleagues who come from SIM-UOL and they are not in any way disadvantaged compared to local grads. Your degree and your grades are a stepping stone to land you in your first job. Once you are in your first job, it's your attitude, personality and how well you fit into the team which matter. I didn't do any banking internships so don't worry about not having a relevant internship. The hardest part of being a fresh graduate trying to enter the industry would be the lack of experience and trying to convince employers that you are capable of doing the job well. Don't give up hopes of entering the industry. The job hunting cycle may seem arduous, sending out resumes, waiting for calls and going for interviews which reap no returns. It's all part of the job hunting process so do not be disheartened. Treat every job interview as a great chance for you to understand more about the role and job scope so you will be able to know if it's something that you would like to try out or avoid. It's okay if you fail at interviews. There will definitely be someone out there who sees potential in you and decides to give you a chance. You never know when you are going to get lucky ;) When I started out searching for jobs, monetary reward was not my main priority but rather it was the job scope and how long i could foresee myself being in the job. I know of people who took up jobs because the pay was good despite the less than satisfactory job scope only to quit a short duration into the job. The job hunting process may take its toll on you but do not settle for jobs because of the fatigue from searching for an 'ideal' job. At the same time, do not keep your expectations too high and always display humility. The banking industry offers mostly contractual jobs in varying durations to fresh graduates unless you are really brilliant then perhaps you would be offered a permanent role. Thus, there is really no harm in taking up contractual jobs. You can wait it out for a permanent conversion, seek for internal transfer opportunities or look for opportunities outside of where you are working at. It becomes easier to search for other jobs within the industry after you surpass the barrier to entry of the banking industry. I feel you when you said you have always wanted to work in a bank. I always feel that I fall short of what it takes to be in the industry and that I may not be where I envision myself to be. However, life surprises you in ways at times and I am at a firm which exceeds beyond my expectations so I would really like to encourage you that you can do it too and I am sure you will succeed as long as you believe so.
ReplyDeleteHi, I really appreciate your long and encouraging comment and it means so much to me right now! I'm heading for an interview tomorrow and the position is actually a one year contract offer. This same bank did not shortlist me after round 2 of interview a couple of weeks ago and yes, i was initially really upset and felt that the whole process was a waste of my time. I got over it and decided to take every failure as a learning process :)
DeleteI'm especially thankful for people like you for taking time to share your experience(s) with me. Hope you're doing well in your job and may only the good things come your way! Meanwhile, i'm going to continue to press on! :)